Saying Goodbye Too Soon
I’ve hesitated to write because things didn’t really get easier after Henry passed. Exactly two weeks after I made the tough decision to say goodbye to her, I had to let my Socks go over the Rainbow Bridge as well.
He was a big cat, weighing in at 32 pounds. And yes, I know he was overweight. I had stopped feeding them dry food at night to try and get him to lose a little poundage, but he caught the same bug that Milo and Otis had.
He didn’t seem to be as responsive to the antibiotics as the other two, so I dragged him off to the Vet, realizing that I’d never been to the vet so many times in my life. My cats don’t go to the vet. They get homeopaths and they recover.
Socks went in on the previous Friday and he stopped eating. I force fed him all weekend until I finally panicked and took him back to the vet on Monday. They kept him there and did all kinds of tests. He wasn’t breathing very well, wouldn’t eat and the vet was afraid he would get Fatty Liver Disease, so I went down there twice a day to sit with him in the little hospital area and force feed him, brush him and talk to him. By Wednesday, he was put on oxygen and the vet told me that his heart wasn’t good, he couldn’t breathe and it wasn’t fair to keep him on this earth. It crushed me.
The guilt ran high. I should have put him on a diet sooner. I should have exercised him, I should have done a million things that I didn’t do. I made the painful decision to let him go. He wasn’t getting better. Not with all the homeopaths and herbs, not with veterinarian help. And he looked miserable.
It was hard to go through just two weeks after I lost my baby, Henry. I feel like I failed everyone. Going home and facing the other cats was really tough. I did a lot of crying. They did a lot of hiding.
I realize now that sometimes you do need more than your own knowledge about homeopaths and drugs. Maybe if I’d taken him in sooner, I could have saved him. I don’t know. I will never know.
My other cats are doing well, although my 26-year old is on some algae concoction. She doesn’t show signs of kidney failure, but I want to be safe rather than sorry.